- What will I get out of this?
- Will I be cured?
- Will my relationship be saved?
- How long does your counseling program last?
- What is the difference between Phase I and Phase II of the program?
- How will I know I am finished?
- How long can I stay in MOVE’s program?
- What if I need help understanding what is being taught?
- What are “Partner Contracts”?
- Will my fee be changed if my financial situation changes?
- Who are the other clients?
MOVE combines a social analysis of domestic violence with a male-positive perspective to produce a one year group counseling program designed to end the abuse by men within their relationships.
MOVE’s program is designed to teach the tools necessary for ending violence in men’s relationships. Whether you accomplish this is up to you, and depends on your willingness to learn and change. The goal is definitely attainable: many men have left MOVE’s program with a new ability to be safe and non-abusive in their relationships.
At MOVE we believe that violence is something that you learned, and that you can unlearn it. We don’t believe that it is like an illness with a cure. This means that you have to work to change. You are the only one who can stop your violence. MOVE supplies you with the necessary tools, but there is no guarantee. It’s up to you.
Violence and abuse damage a relationship. Repairing that damage can take a long time. The purpose of MOVE’s program is to help you end the violence. This may or may not save the relationship.
Men are in the group counseling program for a minimum of 52 weeks; that’s about a year. The program is designed to allow you to progress at your own pace. Some men will work more quickly, or slowly than others. We know from experience that it will take at least a year to get the basics down. Men are encouraged to stay in the program for as long as they find it helpful.
Phase I is where you learn the tools and techniques you’ll need for stopping your violence and improving your ability to communicate. This takes a minimum of 20 weeks. In Phase II you will practice and develop these skills by using them both inside and outside the group. Men are in a Phase II group for a minimum of 32 weeks, though they can stay as long as they want after that. Our Gay and Bisexual Menís Program is a full 52 weeks and combines Phase I and II material and process.
You and your counselors together decide how long you stay. MOVE has developed some basic skills and ideas every man must learn before he can say with confidence that he has what he needs to avoid future violence. You will be shown those skills and ideas and helped to learn how to use them. Once you demonstrate to yourself, to the group and to the counselor that you have learned these ideas, you will be eligible to leave the program whenever you like. Men who have been referred to our program as a result of an arrest must fulfill the court mandate.
Men can stay in Phase II for as long as they wish. MOVE recognizes that the work to change abusive behavior is difficult and requires ongoing support. We are available to support men who are working to end their abusive behavior for as long as they request it. Change is not easy. Lasting change may take years of effort and support from other men.
Your teachers are both “the group” and your counselors. Often when a new skill is being taught there are men in the group who have already learned it. Ask the other men in your group for help. Your counselors will also help you at any point. Please feel free to ask them any questions you may have.
MOVE requires your permission to contact partner (or ex-partner) so that we can tell them about our program and inform them of services available to them in the community. If they are interested in speaking with us about their experience of the abuse, we will listen. MOVE staff will not reveal any information about what a man said in any individual or group meeting. The only information we will give to partners about a man in our program is a confirmation of his attendance at counseling sessions. Any information from partners will be kept confidential between the partner and MOVE staff unless the partner gives permission for this information to be shared and the counselor believes this will be helpful.
Yes. MOVE wants to set a fee that is fair both to you and to MOVE. All fees are set on a sliding scale. This allows us to offer our services to men with a wide range of incomes. If your financial situation changes, please speak with your counselor. By providing proof of the change in your income, we may be able to change your fee.
They are other men who also want to stop being abusive in their relationships. Some of them are required to come to MOVE by the court, some of them are here on their own.